Itachi: Is He Gay or European?

We all know my stupid brother, Itachi. He’s a total snob. Which brings us to our next question: Why is he so salty? Is he, y’know, gay? Or just European? With that being said, how about we take a closer look at him, starting with the way he dresses.

So I snuck into that guy’s  room the other day and looked through his closet. I bet he probably spends a lot of time in there ( ͡e ͜ʖ ͡e) so anyways like? Who wears this? What even is this?

Too Fabulous?

Then I remembered: It’s that dumb outfit he wears for his idiotic little gang he’s in. But it’s not like I know much about fashion, since you know, I’m like, straight and all. Definitely  not gay.


But I mean, Europeans have some strange fashion sense, so it could be either way I guess.

Which brings us to our next point: How does he talk/act? Well, just yesterday I asked him this question: “Itachi, what color are those stupid clouds on your dress?” Obviously, this question was meant to test him. And you know what he said? He said: “Alright first of all, this is not a dress, it’s a robe, you little twerp. And second of all, these clouds are a very important part of this outfit. Anyways, to answer your question, they are blood orange.” Blood orange? Blood orange. He said they were blood orange. They’re red. Like, is this not red?


It’s red.

Is blood orange even a thing?

Who says that??

Blood orange!?!?

So anyways, on to the next and last thing. I happened to see my dumb brother’s phone on the table earlier today and? Where is Itachi? I don’t know, but there’s his phone, so I thought I would help  myself and see if I could find anything for my investigation. What a good idea that was. Luckily, his pass-code was pretty easy to guess, but I’m not going to reveal it here, obviously.

So I found his Grindr account? Dear god. On one hand, I’m happy I’ve found this valuable piece of information for my investigation, but on the other hand, I’m hoping that I don’t throw up on my shoes. I feel kind of sick. Oh dear god. #thingsyouwerebetteroffnotseeing

I sent some screenshots to myself on his phone. (Deleted them and the messages later, he has no proof 😉


Oh my god


So, if you clicked on this post because you actually wanted to know whether Itachi is gay or European, I have news for you: You’re an idiot.

Like? Itachi is obviously Japanese? But with that being said, there is only one other option… and I think the Grindr account pretty much proves it… You know what? I’d rather not think about this anymore. I’m starting to regret this investigation.

I think I’m gonna go sit around in some trees. I’m not hungry for dinner anymore.


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